Children’s Obligation Toward their Parents according to Ayatollah Sistani

Grand Ayatollah Sistani answered so with regards to a question about obeying the father and the mother.

The texts of the question and the answer are as below:

Question: What are the limits of obeying the father and mother?

Answer: Every child has two kinds of obligation towards his father and his mother:

First: doing goodness and helping them with money if they are poor, providing them with their living needs, fulfilling their legitimate requests at the level of normal life statuses as one’s healthy nature requires. Abandoning this kind of obligation is somehow neglecting their good actions. This goodness may differ based on the states of the father and the mother regarding their wealth and physical abilities and weaknesses.

Second: behaving kindly toward them and avoiding bad behavior toward them in speech and action, even though they have done injustice toward the child. It is mentioned in hadiths that “if your parents beat you, you should not speak harshly to them; rather, you should tell them, ‘may God forgive you.’”

These two obligations are regarding the statuses of the father and the mother; but, regarding the statuses of the children, the issue has two ways:

First: the irritation of the father and the mother is caused by an issue, as they are compassionate toward their child and become annoyed by what he does, even if it is not toward them; then, the child should avoid doing that; whether they forbid him or not.

Second: when irritation of the father and the mother is because they have some bad attributes; for example if they do not like their children to pursue the good of the world. Such an irritation has no effect on the child and it is not obligatory for the child to submit to such demands of them. Therefore, obeying the father and the mother regarding their personal orders and prohibitions are not obligatory in itself and God is the All-Knowledgeable.