In this article, the writer discuses about marriage and its goals, planning and important part, and finally speaks about essential skills for happy life from view point of narration and verses.
A wise marriage is a watchtower of life and its unique importance, especially in these days which life becomes more complicated, is clear to all. Just through marriage it is possible to meet some of our needs like reaching peaceful mind and soul.
“And one of His signs is that he created mates for you from yourselves, so you may find rest in them, and He put love and compassion; between you. Most surely there are signs in this for the people who reflect” (The holy Quran ar-room30:21)
Some Goals of Life
Peace of mind, an inner feeling of security, to meet sexual needs, race survival, to complete one’s personality as a person in society, and to have health and social security are among the most important goals of marriage. To reach these goals, an arranged and wise marriage is necessary. In the present article, 9 essential factors in such preplanning for a successful marriage will be discussed. Then, 4-must-be factors of a marriage will be introduced.
Holy Prophet said: “each youth who marries, Satan will cry: oh! His/her religion will be kept safe from me right now”
Erich Fromm, German Psychologist said that human being does whatever he does since his birth up to his death just to end his feeling of loneliness.”
When this loneliness extends, man’s struggle to find a companion will increase. The most perfect form of this kind of struggle and search is apparent in finding a spouse for marriage.
Importance of marriage
Though finding a perfect spouse is not an easy task to do. To be successful in this way, a lot of thinking, planning and the most important one “consulting” is necessary. In another word, planning is highly significant.
It is believed that to the extent that marriage is not complicated, it is not easy as well. Because it is proved that in unplanned marriages the results were awful. In Islam marriage is highly valued. Holy Prophet said: there is no foundation before God more sacred than marriage.
Marriage and starting a family is a shift from “me” to us. It is a holy and natural need rooting from our soul; it should not be regarded as a mere usual social contract; this foundation is so vital if it shakes or destroys, the consequences will be in compostable.
Six Essential Skills For A Happy Marriage
Desire And Wise Resolution
when it is talked about planning for marriage, the most important point is not to postpone it to a vague time but in its proper time, by help of consulting, studying about it, getting more information and the best use of other’s experiences to plan.
Health Soul and Body
A healthy person can start a healthy family: as a community formed from smaller units of “family”, if you base the foundation of families on psychological health of people, the result would be social health and prosperity. Having a healthy body is secondary. Some people lose their health due to wars or accidents but they are able to form a happy family. In marriage, being healthy psychologically is of great importance.
To Be Able Financially
This is one of the most important issues in marriage. To be able to support a family financially will bring psychological security to the families. This psychological security is essential for a happy marriage. The ones who are interested in marriage do their best to find a suitable job to be able to support their family-to be financially. Of course, families can support their children in this way to make their marriage easier. The other elements which can help to ease getting married is to be patient, economical and hard-worker.
There are a lot of people around us who were not prosperous at the beginning of their marriage but they did their best and eventually they could solve their problems and they are accounted as wealthy men now. “To be prosperous financially” is the result of years of hard working and patience. Psychologist believes that each movement of human being starts with an imagination or mental image. So we can build our life upon our thoughts and beliefs. Because the first and foremost place of our power is inside us. Human being can adapt himself to all conditions. This is not a psychological motto; the creation of a human being is such a way that if he decides and does not wait others to make a decision for him he can change his world.
Modern Young Adults
The young adults of these years are more creative, skilled, talented and able comparing to the previous generations. Modern societies are also replete with opportunities and facilities for creating jobs, manufacturing,. This is us who should move towards those opportunities and facilities or even create such situations.
Holy prophet of Islam said, “The one who avoids marriage due to fear of poverty is doubtful about God.”
Because God the Almighty says, “if they are poor, God will meet their needs out of His Kindness.”
Suitable Marriage Age
An essential condition for marriage is to reach puberty – psychologically, mentally and physically. Today, considering education, job, facilities, … We cannot mention an special age for marriage. It means to set a proper marriage age we should take into account different factors like physical and psychological puberty, financial matters, education, …. It worth mentioning more than calendar –age, it is intellectual-age which is more important. Nowadays we hear “Golden age’s” term a lot. This age is 22-28 in men and 20-25 in women.
To have emotional stability and to be able to control emotions are of great importance in marriage. Patience, honesty, kindness, forgiveness, friendship, trustfulness, cooperation and order, compatibility, commitment, generosity, understanding, … and flexibility are the factors of having emotional stability. The young adults who are deciding on getting married should be emotional stable; they should be able to control their unusual anger or happiness, to reflect on happenings, to judge sensibly and logically. It is believed that in marriage we should tie logic and feeling to make something which is called logic. In a variety of research it is proved that generally married people are happier, healthier, and more prosperous financially than single individuals. It is shown that married young women, comparing to their singlehood, feel more emotional security and less psychological pressure.
Marriage and emotional balance: In fact that marriage bering emotional balance, provided that, the couples in their relation, consider some points. It’s interesting that, a normal human gets mental balance after he achieves emotional balance. Today’s, marriage is an important source of mental security, especially for women. Marriage for women causes a sense of emotion, sincerity and coherence.
Wisdom and Responsibility
For a stubbly marriage never base it on lusts, one of the basic criteria in the initial steps of marriage, is to have wisdom and responsibility. We may consider it as a precondition for successful marriage.
Responsibility brings a kind of mental security and reduces the damage and conflicts of common marital life. Therefore, until they feeling hasn’t appeared in youth. He cannot establish a peaceful marital life. So, the young couples must improve accept responsibility in their daily life.
The Divine Love and Stability of Family
in the marriage process, there are stages and, love and fervor life with future spouse are parts of them, as much as the love is fact real, the family find more continuity and strength. Being faithful to love causes fidelity to love, and it can bring evolution, fixation and happiness. Some experts believe that fall in love is sweeter than rights; so if you always insist on your right, you will lose love and forgiveness.
Love is an attraction toward the perfection, and beauty is one perfections; and absolute beauty is god. Love is necessary for life. Either it is between man and woman or feeling and emotions between the members of the family. If love was ruling, no problem would resist. It is a beautiful sentence: “where love orders, impossibility will been down.
In a successful marriage, love has special place. We must know love as an excellent cause and motive of human perfection. We distinguish it from common needs of human & animals (sexual intercourse), because, if we are needed to a thing or a human for service, which will bring dependence on that person between us or things. We mustn’t know such a dependence as love. Love is the greatest and most excellent attribute of human, and will bering, and modesty, and perfection in a marriage.
The best place for love is the youth and pure hearts.
This process, if connected with the joy of life, responsibility, wisdom, emotional stability and correct selection will bring light in life, land the couple can reach the divine blessing.
Familiarity with Marriage Rules
Marriage brings duties, rights, and responsibility. It is an important point in marriage planning according to law: the youth should become familiar with the right and duties of marriage from religious, social, and legal aspects.
An introductory familiarity with the marriage law, religious right, dowry, reciprocal right and duties of marriage division of worlds, the woman rights, major and minor obligations, and education are influential in a successful life and marriage.
Hygiene, Management of Family Stability
One of the necessary issues of successful and planed marriage is the familiarity of the couples with hygienic affairs. Getting information about birth control and attending the country population planning as – the great family- is necessary. The best age for women pregnancy is between 20 -30years old and at least 3 years distance between every birth, responsibility and conscious behavior in marriage life is a part of these principles. Today is a changing world, and new couples should try to find new ways to improve their relations.
Luxury life, unnecessary expenditure, and fantastic thought are obstacles to a suitable marriage.
Of course, there are some real factors that couldn’t be ignored.however,they are negotiable ! Job, income source, house, etc. Such problems needs person’s effort and family and parents’ supports. Today, issues like home appliance job, and income have, basic role in a life a common life, any shortage or deficiency can of them can result of disagreement, discontent, or destroy of life.
The article written by Mojdeh PourHossaini and published first in safinah magazine.